It Is All About You
One of the hardest things I confront when in a rabbit hole state is letting go of responsibility. Sometimes the choice is taken from you. It was a relief to find out I had porphyria. I was not enjoying the ride or the next rabbit hole, but I now had a name for what I was experiencing. With the name came the realization I could not always go full tilt. There would be days when just getting to the bathroom and back to bed have been and would be a challenge. A life-changing illness can make you reevaluate what you can do and, more importantly, what you need to delegate.
I admit guilt is a constant companion with my health challenges. On good days I can say I did this task and it goes in the win column. But my brain also adds in what I could not do and cancels out the progress note. It isn’t easy when I am in a full-blown attack to see the light that is always present in the rabbit hole. I hate being dependent for simple things, much less big things. The guilt, along with the pain, are overwhelming obstacles. So, how do I overcome this? Never give up.
Some days digging deep is not easy, but you dig as deep as needed to see the light. I have broken more than one shovel getting to the light. But I never stopped working through the issues to get to the light. Faith keeps me going when my body and mind are screaming, give up. Porphyria has taught me giving in is not giving up. Asking for help does not mean I am weak. Strong people are not afraid to say they need help. Being selfish is not a bad thing when your health and well-being are on the line.
It doesn’t matter what name is attached to your rabbit hole. The name may change with your situation. You may not even use the term rabbit hole because it doesn’t work for you. The important thing is you own it, you claim it, and you name it. Above all, realize you can take all the time you need to heal.
You do not have to be a superhero on your bad days: delegate and release. Look at what you can assign to others or farm out. I have a couple of delivery places that I call when I do not have the energy to make dinner. I set my schedule based on how I feel and what I can do each day.
Chronic health issues are hard to deal with and make delegating various tasks to others necessary. So, yes, it is all about you and about how you feel. Let go of the guilt and know it is okay to focus on you and what you need. Keep lists of questions to ask your health care professionals. If it is not health that sends you into the rabbit hole, look for professionals that can address your doubts and fears. It is all about taking needed steps to get to the point where you find your level of normal once more. Your normal level may differ from what it was before you hit the rabbit hole; embrace it and celebrate it. Normal changes as our life circumstances change. Do not be afraid to change when needed. You are amazing, and no matter what your issues are, you will be victorious over them.
Do I like having a couple of rare genetic health issues? No. I would like it if my genetic structure did not have a heart condition and porphyria, but I did not get to pick and chose what I would have to deal with this lifetime. So, I deal with it, and I delegate when needed. I research and keep myself informed on the latest. Life doesn’t give us promises of a constant smooth road. We will have losses, we will have victories, and we will have some quiet times. Celebrate the good days. Delegate when needed. Remember, it is all about you and what you can accomplish each day.
